Spotting and Understanding Sixes
Belief
Sixes believe that the world is dangerous so making allies is important. They can be free when they accept that although there will always be unknowns, that it's always possible to feel safe and secure in the present moment. They don’t need to make any connections apart from connecting to (and accepting) the power of now.
Appearances
Sixes are difficult to identify in regards to a typical style. They will very often wear what the social group they have allied themselves with would wear. Hence, you can have fashion-conscious Sixes, bohemian Sixes, body-building Sixes, sporty Sixes and so on. There is a nervous, uncertain energy about them that is usually apparent, although sometimes this can seem quiet and giggly, sometimes quite boisterous and jumpily aggressive. In the video below, it is Meg Tilly who is the six, not Kevin Costner.
Friends, Family and Other Relationships
As with twos, friends, family and relationships are central to a Six’s life and they can be wonderfully thoughtful and helpful. However, the Six doesn’t need demonstrations of love and appreciation – they simply want to do what is necessary to keep the alliance together. There is usually some insecurity though and a needing to test the boundaries – so they can be sarcastic and aloof sometimes to see how others react.
Difficulties
Sixes struggle with fear and find it hard to relax. They like to be around people so if they are alone they can become more anxious and dejected. There is a tendency to align with a certain group and then see others as enemies so they can have a limited, black-and-white worldview. My grandma, for example, would often say that mothers going to work was the reason children were so badly behaved in schools.
As Children
Sixes are often helpful children and from an early age they are keen on making special groups of friends and joining clubs in and after school. Sixes are focused on rules and regulations of the organisation they are in so will usually be well-behaved, though they might occasionally test the boundaries.
At Work
As well as rules, Sixes are very aware of authority figures and have a tendency to complain to others about the authority figure in their workplace – though they would normally be too fearful to confront them directly. Work is a major part of a Six’s life as they like to identify themselves with an organisation to make them feel safer… they may work hard and well but normally wouldn’t try to rise to the upper levels of management, which would feel too risky.
Talking Style
Sixes have a nervy, quick style of talking which may be witty and giggly or pejorative and grouchy.
NB For all these descriptions, you will notice that they seem a bit negative. This is I wanted to show the ego clearly and vividly, warts and all, as the cause of suffering. Of course, there are plenty of happy and healthy people freeing themselves from the ego. I know lovely, healthy people of each enneagram fixation. Click here for examples of very healthy types.
Click here if you are a Six and you want guidance towards more happiness.
Click here if you are a Six and you want guidance towards more happiness.